


Fine Rhubarb Pie

by FailureArtist



Series: Friendship & Stuff Cinematic Universe [20]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Cousin Incest, Cucking, Disabled Characters, Double Penetration in Two Holes, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, PIV Sex, Perspective Flip, Threesome - F/M/M, downright SATANIC threesome, karkat is suffering (but it's not about him), meulin is living her best life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:54:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22472917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: July 12, 2018: Meulin's purrspective on the weird threesome on Purrday's in Friendship & Stuff
Relationships: Gamzee Makara/Kurloz Makara, Meulin Leijon/Gamzee Makara/Kurloz Makara, Meulin Leijon/Kurloz Makara, background gamkar - Relationship, teased dam/meu
Series: Friendship & Stuff Cinematic Universe [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1532495
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Fine Rhubarb Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Relationship between first cousins, one of whom adopted the other. Slightly questionable consent. Background kidnapping and abuse of Karkat. Mentions of Gamrezi and cheating. Mention of a past-life rape.

This mission had been very stressful, Meulin thought. If it wasn’t one thing it was another. Purrloz and Gamzee were arguing, apparently about Purrloz’s old rap lyrics, when another argument started. She missed what they were saying in the confusion.

“What’s going on?” Meulin asked.

Gamzee said, “Our Kurloz be breaking the rules.”

Purrloz signed.  _ I did not break the rules. I decide what the rules are. _

Gamzee shot back, “You make the rules? Maybe I’m fed up and tired of you making all them motherfucking rules! You may be our mission leader but when it comes to boyfriending we supposed to be equal!”

_ What do you want? _

“What I be wanting? Just to be able to fuck like you.”

Purrloz pointed at Meulin.

“Huh?” she asked.

_ Little Clown and Kitty Bitch will have sex. _

She asked, “Me and him? Together?”

Her boyfriend nodded. She shuddered at this strange idea. 

“Ewww!”

Gamzee had a hurt look on his face. “Why ewww?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, but it’s just weird!”

“Don’t actually solve no problem neither. It’s Karkat I want to fuck.”

_ You said you wanted to be equal. We are the same person. This will show it. It will be good for the Family. _

“If it will help the Family, I will,” she said.

Purrloz pointed to the master bedroom. Meulin hesitantly walked to it with Gamzee. They did not touch, not yet. She did not really get it, but she did want peace at any cost. Another stress headache would be too painful. 

Gamzee shut the door behind them. He was the first to start undressing. She wondered if he had been wanting to have sex with her all this time. That was an uncomfortable yet somewhat flattering idea. However, it was more likely he just wanted to get it over with. She started undressing too. Soon, they were both as naked as the day they were reborn on Earth. 

Gamzee was much leaner and hairier than her boyfriend. He was almost as heavily-tattooed, but he had no body piercings. She would miss those ladder piercings gliding on her sensitive parts and those tuggable nipple piercings. She wasn’t used to bush, but she had never asked Purrloz to shave and she was always thankful he never asked the same of her. Gamzee’s endowment was as impressive as his older cousin. He looked to be seven inches soft and if he was like Kurloz in that way he could grow two inches. Meulin still wasn’t over how huge Kurloz was down there. It had been uncomfortable when they first dated in high school and she only tolerated it but when they started dating again he became really good at using what he had. Thinking of that third date in July of 2013 where they went out to see “The Lone Ranger”, she started getting wet. That was a wonderful date, made better by Regal Cinema’s new glasses. However, though she was excited, Gamzee was still flaccid. 

_ Can we kiss? _ she signed.

Gamzee signed back  _ We were not told to not kiss. _

His sign language was so straight-forward compared to his speech. She wished he signed more often. Lip-reading was hard. 

_ Let’s kiss.  _

They both moved around the bed to get near enough to kiss. She was used to the height difference and immediately got on her tiptoes but Gamzee seemed slower to realize he needed to bend down. They kissed and Meulin found it was actually more pleasant than kissing Kurloz. Not as romantic, by far, but Gamzee didn’t have the same dental work as Kurloz. Still, Gamzee’s hands were flat against his body instead of touching her. She did not know whether this was because he did not want to touch her or because he felt he did not have permission to do anything. She took his hands and brought them up to her breasts. As she did it, she wondered if he had ever had sex with any woman, especially a woman of the Church. Such a woman might have had bigger breasts than her. She knew her breasts were very disappointing. However, he gasped in her mouth when he touched her and he did not pull his hands away. He did not knead her breasts roughly like the other guys (including high school Kurloz, sadly enough), just hold and rub them. 

Now that she didn’t need to worry about his hands, she moved down his back until she reached his butt. He did not have much of an ass, but he reacted a lot when she touched it. She felt him twitch against her. He left her breasts but not to take his hands off her body. He moved down to her ass and squeezed. Maybe a bit too hard, but she liked it. He threw his head back and she licked his impossibly-long neck, something she could definitely could not do with Kurloz. 

This was going frightfully well. Meulin was enjoying herself but she was wondering about Kurloz. What was he thinking? What was he doing? Without her hearing, she had no idea what was happening in the next room.

Gamzee got excited enough that he threw her onto the bed. She could see that he was half hard already.

She signed.  _ Have you ever had sex with a woman before? _

He nodded as he stroked himself. 

_ Was it a member of the Church?  _ she asked. 

He shook his head.

_ Who was she? _

He took his hands off his erection and his erection bobbed when he signed.

_ She was T-e-r-e-z-i. _

Meulin might have gasped. 

_ The girlfriend of the ritual object? _

Gamzee looked a little peeved and gave a stroke before signing again.

_ They had broken up. _

_ And what about your ex-boyfriend? _

He then leapt bodily on top of her and started kissing her again. He was heavy, but not as heavy as Kurloz. That stabbing in her belly was the same as Kurloz, though.

He lifted his body off of her and spoke with his lips.

“Do I stick it in now or something?”

She shook her head. However, she did not know if he would know the sign for cunnilingus and she was afraid to say it outloud.

Yet without asking, he moved his head down between her legs and started eating her out. He did not do a very good job at it, much like Kurloz in high school, but she was touched she did not have to ask or beg. 

Even this clumsy action was turning her on. Oral sex was really like pizza; even when it’s bad it’s good. Maybe she was also feeling some pleasure in being a little mean to Kurloz. Of course, she was over finding Kurloz’s head in Gamzee’s lap and she wasn’t that upset about it to begin with but...maybe this did suit Kurloz right? Gamzee did have a point that things were not exactly equal. Sure, in the Lost Civilization she was a greenblood and Kurloz was a purpleblood, but in this civilization, she was his girlfriend and that entitled her to some respect. 

Enough of this awkward foreplay. She was going to get fucked by the younger Makara. It was a weird situation and not one she would ask for ever but she felt enthused now. She tapped Gamzee on the shoulder. He looked up and took a pube out of his mouth.

She signed,  _ Fuck me _ . Used the vulgar sign and not the medical one.

_ Are you certain? _

She nodded with determination. 

He got onto his knees and started stroking himself to fullness. His eyes were scrunched closed. She was a bit peeved he wasn’t completely hard yet. Well, at least she could get Kurloz hard. She sat up and took Gamzee in hand. His cock grew until it was so thick her hand did not fit completely around. He really was the same size as Kurloz. She wondered if Gamzee had ever thought of getting his dick pierced so he could be real twinsies with Purrloz. 

She lay back down with her legs up. Gamzee carefully entered her with a look like he was terrified he’d put in the “wrong hole”. She did not consider it the “wrong” one but she would definitely need preparation for that! She might have sighed when he sheathed himself entirely in. Yet after that, he did very short inchworm strokes. She could certainly handle deeper strokes and his rhythm was terrible.

Yet though he was doing a bad job, she might have been making some noises anyway. She had always been a loud person, even before she went Deaf. When Gamzee did go in deep, she might have yelled out “Purrloz! You’re so big!”

Gamzee stopped a moment. She opened up her eyes again to see him looking at her. Then he started moving again.

Yet he was again stopped when Purrloz busted in. Gamzee turned his head and if he said anything, she didn’t know.

Purrloz signs.  _ I am not stopping you. I am declaring a threeway. _

Gamzee got out of Meulin so she could sit up and answer.

_ Like with the ritual object? _

Purrloz shook his head.  _ You decide how we treat you. _

_ I get to decide? _

Purrloz’s eyes widened a moment.  _ Only I can do anal.  _

Her eyes widened very large.  _ I could have you from behind and Little Clown from the front. _

Gamzee looked at her.  _ Can you take that? _

Purrloz nodded. 

She had certainly thought about double penetration before, but she had not imagined the other penis belonging to Gamzee of all people. Perhaps she would have chosen someone a lot smaller. Yet she was too horny now. So she nodded. 

With that negotiating over, Purrloz started undressing quickly. He was already a little hard. His bright red head was peeking out from the foreskin and there were beads of precum on his frenum piercings. His dick was growing more just as he walked over to the end table and got out the lube. He spread a generous amount on his cock before pulling her legs until her ass was in her face. He started eating her out and she just melted. 

After awhile, she opened her eyes and saw Gamzee was just sitting there half-hard, looking lost. She motioned him over and when he came over she started stroking his cock. He started lazily rubbing her breasts. She closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation and not think about how weird this was.

Yet eventually, Purrloz stopped. She opened her eyes. Both of the Makaras’ cocks were rock hard. 

_ Get on your knees,  _ Purrloz said.

She got on her knees and turned away from Purrloz. He kissed her lower spine a few times and she shivered in delight. Gamzee got on his knees in front of her. He spoke with his lips.

“Which motherfucker goes first, huh?”

She then was aware she could not communicate with Purrloz. This was why they always had sex facing each other. Even when they had done anal, they faced each other. It was worrying to be out of the loop. 

Apparently, Purrloz said he was going first, because she felt his cock at her anus. She’d been tipsy when they had anal before and she was stone cold sober now. She hoped she could relax her muscles. Her mind concentrated on the ceiling. Rustic wood ceiling.

Her body opened enough for Purrloz to enter her. There were so many more nerve endings there than up front and she soon felt that wonderful overstimulation. It was like a rainbow in every color. There was a little discomfort, but she got over it. She definitely knew she made a noise.

Then she felt another penis, this time at her front. She clenched against the intrusion. Purrloz’s huge endowment was already pressing through the walls into her vagina. She already felt so full. Yet Purrloz rubbed her arms and she knew she had to relax. Gamzee pressed in and as he went deeper, she was stretched out more full than she ever thought she could ever be. It felt like her stomach was bulging, though she knew that was impossible. Her throat already felt a little ragged from the noise she must be making. 

She knew Purrloz and Gamzee must feel each other’s dicks pressing against her walls and though she of course knew the two were very intimate she couldn’t stop thinking how odd it was that they were practically touching. It disturbed her, though she knew she should not be disturbed.

Purrloz started thrusting, but very carefully. Gamzee followed his rhythm. She was pressed against them, rocking back and forth, baking under their combined body heat. She was so overstimulated right now she could explode. Already she was sore and felt like she would be ripped apart. Yet she wanted to see this to the end of her glorious orgasm. The first time she let Purrloz do her in the butt, she couldn’t finish it, but they completed their second and third time. She hoped for good results. 

The Makaras above her pressed in and she could sense that they were kissing. She felt left out and used and a little uneasy. She knew she should not feel such things. It was an honor to “fill buckets” with two purplebloods. That was Grand Highblood’s “bone bulge” inside her. If only these two had tentacles, like in her visions. Her Purrloz sure had a leviathan-sized tentacle. 

Then, she had a vision of the Great Heretic. These visions were supposed to be of the rape he and his followers inflicted on her and sometimes she thought those phantom feeling of being gagged and bound was a prelude to the horror, but not this time. This time she embraced the Great Heretic as he cried into her chest. 

The vision ended as soon as it began and then she felt the orgasm build up. Her belly felt tight with tension. It seemed she was close so quick but she did have a head start. As she came, she raked her nails against Gamzee’s back and she felt him shudder, whether in pain or pleasure she did not know. Still, he kept going. Both of them continued even though she was boneless. 

The Makaras were fondling each other more now and while that did mean they might come quicker it was still weird. She wondered if they had ever done this with another woman. Purrloz said he didn’t have sex with other women, and she wanted to believe him, but she had also thought he wasn’t having sex with his cousin. 

For some reason, she was thinking about Karkat…well, the ritual object. As enjoyable as this was, she was still a sex object. She was something used to smooth two men’s relationship. Maybe she wasn’t different than Karkat. She was not a highblood anyway. 

Purrloz came first. She could feel him twitch rapidly in her tight cavity, followed by a liquid warmth. He stayed inside as he softened. 

Gamzee came next. He squeezed Meulin’s arms hard and ground against her as he filled her up more. He pulled out immediately after coming and looked very worriedly at her pussy. She tapped him on the shoulder.

_ I am on the pill,  _ she signed.

He nodded his head.

Kurloz very carefully pulled out. Now she was empty except for the liquid dripping out of her.

Kurloz tapped her shoulder. 

_ You did a good job. _

She gave a thumbs up.

The Makaras went around the bed and kissed each other. She laid down on the bed and did not watch them. She was in the midst of a moment of post-orgasmic clarity. Karkat was not the Great Heretic. He was the wrong age, for one. He should be the same age as her, as with many of the other heretics. For another, there were too few people on a mission of this importance. This entire setup was fishy like a cat’s supper.

While the Makaras were occupied, she took some stuff out of the nightstand and wrote a note. Luckily, there was a green pencil in there. 

She slid the note into the pocket of her pants. Maybe she couldn’t save Karkat, but she could help him out. Plus, she could have a little extra fun with Damara. It was a win-win situation. 

**Author's Note:**

> Text of note: I will help you. I will get the Sat phone from Dee. I know you aren't actually [The Signless].


End file.
